The first two drafts of this were miserable, which is not where I want to go.
This is about optimism, finding positive in the new, hope in change.
Earlier this year, I sat in a Parisian café with my eight year old daughter. We were writing letters to ourselves, that will be posted back to us in five years time. A welcome break from the 35° temperatures that had us flagging, but also a chance to more figuratively slow down and to take stock.
This week marks a year since I moved home, in the midst of the most tumultuous year of my life, and certainly of her 8 years. It was the end of a marriage, selling the family home and finding our feet with a new dynamic while feeling like the ground under my feet was constantly shifting.
Honestly, a year later and it still feels like that sometimes. It was an unforeseen change that I had to work to catch up with.
This year of flux and growth was on my mind as I sat in the café sipping my 8th espresso of the day. Slightly wired but full of gratitude for the girl sitting across from me, who has been my saviour over these months. She’s been going through it, of course, but her empathy and kindness throughout it all has been the most outrageous gift I could hope for.
I started by mentioning that the earlier drafts were a bit miserable. I was lamenting that I hadn’t produced as much work as I expect of myself, hadn’t done as well in various aspects of life, hadn’t done a whole bunch of things that I might hope that the ideal version of myself would be smashing out weekly.
When I was close to my lowest last year, I started seeing a therapist who’d helped me a lot when my dad passed a few years ago. As I wrote those things, I thought to myself, as I often do: “what would Angela say?”.
The answer is almost certainly, “give yourself a break”. It’s been a lot. I’ve struggled at times. But I’m here, with a wonderful new home that J & I love. We’re finding out feet with a new dynamic.
Time rolls on. Things change. We evolve.
I’m glad I’m not settling for the first draft.
This all goes some way to explaining why I’ve not felt the urge or capacity to share much here over the past while. I’ve been busy, and done some fun stuff. I realised that on reflecting on my work from the past year. I’ll get back to sharing some more photography related bits soon, which is what you’re probably here for.
Thanks for your attention. Never not appreciated.
this one is on my desk